PERFECTLY NORMAL
When her lips swell to extreme proportions
I tell her it’s perfectly normal -
perfectly normal in the context
of a severe allergic reaction,
but my words seem to comfort her.
When she takes her Ambien early
and calls me to say, slurring her words,
she’s watching infomercials
and parading about
in a t-shirt and high heels to strengthen her calves,
I tell her it’s
perfectly normal -
perfectly normal in the context of
sleeping medication
and a deep love of shoes.
When she tells me not to come
near her with a turkey baster,
that she is unsure about surrogacy,
that if we have a child she must be named
Maggie Apple,
I tell her it’s perfectly normal -
perfectly normal to name your children after fruit,
after all, the apple don’t fall far from the fruit tree.
When I came out to her,
she said she’d always thought we’d end up
together, that her grandmother had a quilt
ready to give to us as a wedding gift,
that when we’d visit her, we’d
just have to pretend because
she wanted that damn quilt,
I told her it was perfectly normal -
perfectly normal in the context of
our relationship,
gay to girl,
fag to hag,
demanding, hard-headed princess to
demanding, hard-headed princess.
It’s a safe bet
when you see us laughing,
we’re laughing at you or
at ourselves,
at our sexless marriage without
the option of divorce, at
the fact that come tease or tragedy
she’ll always be the woman in my life.
© Bryan Borland
[...] Miss California Arkadelphia Rainbow Terror Perfectly Normal To You Who Are [...]
PRIDE SET « PoeticGrin.com: The Poetry of Bryan Borland
June 21, 2009 at 4:11 pm
However internal the jokes here may be (?), the affection in these lines nevertheless feels invitingly universal.
That last stanza? Love it.
queerlefty
June 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm
The last stanza loves you more.
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:18 am
ha. Love it. Divorce isn’t an option, is it, princess? We did have that nasty spat in the airport that time. For a brief moment, I imagined throwing you in front of a plane as it was taking off. Then I tripped and the usual hijinks ensued.
medicatedlady
June 21, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Yes and our other fight involved you making me weight in line for hours at the Gap. (oops, I mispelled a word)
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:18 am
OMG. I hate you! You have always undermined me. Just because I outed you to your nephew doesn’t give you the right to sass me.
medicatedlady
June 24, 2009 at 9:26 am
Perfectly beautifully wonderful. The poem and the people.
Paul
June 21, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Why thank you, Mr. Squires.
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:16 am
Just fucking Bravo!
bindo
June 22, 2009 at 12:12 am
Do you mean like, good job, or were you referencing the Cable Channel “Bravo” which plays mostly gay-friendly shows like Kathy Griffin, Top Chef, Project Runway, etc? Either way, thanks!
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:16 am
superb Bryan, the imagery, the characters and the whole setting of emotions and views..
Utopian Fragments
June 22, 2009 at 7:49 am
Thanks D!
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:15 am
Ugh, she had more flakes than Alaska, but now I feel a vindicated sense of poetic justice.
Tel
June 22, 2009 at 12:50 pm
You know, I just noticed that I clicked on the wrong “comment” link. This was intended for the poem about Miss California, which, now, hopefully puts my comment in context.
Tel
June 22, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Actually this was hilarious. MedicatedLady thought you were saying she was flakey or had a lot of dandruff.
poeticgrin
June 23, 2009 at 5:59 am
Which, in fact, I am flaky so I was like, Tel understands me! And actually, Bryan told me that you meant flakey or dandruff-y.
medicatedlady
June 23, 2009 at 8:03 am
Welcome back, Bryan!
This is a “Whoduhthunk?” for me. Particularly funny for straights is my guess. At least it was for me.
Appeasement. But for the sake of…I don’t even know. Not the quilt, surely. Gold threads?
Uncle Tree
June 22, 2009 at 6:09 pm
“Welcome back, Bryan!”
– I can’t stay away! Addiction and all.
I think that every man, gay or straight, should have his own Fag Hag, his Queen’s Queen, his Fruit Fly, if you will. Maybe your Tree She, Uncle?
poeticgrin
June 22, 2009 at 6:26 pm
I’m going on a tangent. I warned you. I hate all of those terms and I’ll tell you why. The hag, the other queen, the fly, all indicate annoyances and insignificance as if the most important part of a female friend of a gay is her gay friend. It gives absolutely no respect/acknowledgement of the woman as a woman. (Note to Readers: Which is exactly why MedicatedLady has signed on to co-author a project with me called FAG/HAG. Coming to online stores near you in December. – Bryan)
medicatedlady
June 23, 2009 at 8:07 am
Glad to hear your working on this project together. I always have a knee-jerk, eye-rolling reaction to those words, too.
Tel
June 24, 2009 at 7:13 am
Thank you, Tel. I cannot tell you how much Bryan makes me want to slug him.
medicatedlady
June 24, 2009 at 9:30 am
Yes, a limb leech would be nice.
Perhaps, a rooter hooter. Know any?
Uncle Tree
June 23, 2009 at 4:20 am
Yes. You can find one at medicatedlady.wordpress.com. She can play duel roles.
poeticgrin
June 24, 2009 at 9:14 am
HMPT.
medicatedlady
June 24, 2009 at 9:28 am
I love good poetry about friendship, an under-valued essential part of life. Bravo indeed.
Ray Sharp
June 25, 2009 at 7:51 am
“our sexless marriage without
the option of divorce”
I love this line, a perfect statement conveying how strong the bond of friendship is. Great poem!
Rachel
June 25, 2009 at 1:54 pm
this is so close to perfect it just hurts!
jessiecarty
June 26, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Love this tribute. Clearly yours is one of the happier “marriages.”
1writegirl
June 27, 2009 at 10:00 am
Awwww. Fuzzy feelings.
socratesoul
July 6, 2009 at 11:31 pm
Ohh. I came here to find and re-read my favorite poem of yours — but now I’m conflicted.
DOMINO
July 12, 2009 at 8:14 pm